Five sides, zero accountability
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
Names and “zingers” questioning another service member’s sexual orientation are allowed immediately.
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
"Accountability has been my watchword from day one, and my little boo-boo is no exception,” he said.
Intel update briefing prepared by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz
Strike plans—whatever you want to call them—it's classified okay?
“I was shocked when I heard Pete was the source of the Pentagon leaks,” said Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard.
All we asked for was 80% compliance.
“It reminds me of this one time when I was in this chick’s OODA Loop and accidentally gave her Plan Bravo instead of Plan B the next morning."
"It's super awkward to put on my LinkedIn profile," said Gen. Randall Reed, the commander.
"“All the DEI nonsense muddied the waters of where Black merit traditionally lies in the military," a spokesman said.
The markings will distinguish U.S. forces from “freedom-hating and war-mongering Ukrainians,” according to Hegseth.
“So, naturally, we formed a task force to determine whether we had too many task forces."
Here are Hegseth’s best “easy outs” for serving allies and partners a big cold dish of reality.
The company has been "an industry-leading innovator in bullet point technology for over five decades."
“Thank you, Jeff! Thank you, Tina! Your service is not forgotten."
“Hey, someone close the door, the weekly interoffice gay pride parade is kind of loud.”
Musk emphasized that Trump’s leadership would bring “business savvy” to future military operations.
“Is Pete a cheater? Sure, but who among us isn’t?” one senator asked in front of his bewildered wife and mother of his six children.
Sure, you can feel a little bad for the guy.
If he smells like tequila, ask no questions, and he’ll tell you no lies.
Senior defense officials have major concerns about obeying such orders without additional funding from Congress.
The new agency is seeking military-grade efficiency.
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