THE PENTAGON — With the Defense Department reeling from the far-reaching effects of sequester budget cuts, Army brass has proposed cutting the number of medals and ribbons awarded to soldiers — with officials claiming the move will save billions in taxpayer dollars.

Lt. Gen. Howard B. Bromberg, the Army G-1, explained, "the amount of money spent on ribbons and medals has increased exponentially over the decades." As proof, Bromberg pointed to a picture of Gen. Dwight Eisenhower, a five-star general, who was bedecked with only three ribbons.

"Today, we'd look at a private with only three ribbons as if he were some sort of dirtbag," said Bromberg.