Nation's Veterans Demand Farmland In Gaul
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A delegation from the American Legion had a meeting today with several leading senators to demand suitable farmland for the nation's landless veterans in the province of Transalpine Gaul.
"We swear here, upon Jupiter's Stone, that if Consul Obama Africanus does not compensate us with suitable farmland in a quiet province, we shall not peaceably disband or leave the capital," declared Mattis Magnus, former commander of the I Marine Legion and head of RUBICOM.
He spoke on the front steps of the Senate under a banner proclaiming "We came! We saw! We conquered!" and was dressed in full armor, brazenly armed with his gladius sword and brandishing the skull of a Parthian warrior he took at Fallujah.
Mattis called on Obama to come out from behind his Praetorian Guard and speak to them directly, or send co-consul Hillaria the Elder. He and other veterans then publicly spurned Obama's offer, relayed to them by Coinmaster Petraeus, of free farmland in Afghanistan on the conditio…
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