URASOE, Japan — A Marine sergeant major stationed on Camp Kinser, Okinawa, is physically unable to choose any selection from a vending machine not labeled "E9," sources confirmed today.
Sgt. Maj. Matthew Brooks is frequently seen checking vending machines on and off base in hopes of finding anything in the E9 slots that he enjoys, according to reports. Just this morning, for example, he was conducting recon on a new set of machines on a street corner just outside Gate 3.
"Let's see," he said, squatting halfway down to get a better view. "E9, E9, E9... there it is. Oh no, fucking green tea again? Damn it all to hell, I just want some Cafe Au Lait. Let's see the next one... crap, this one's a cigarette vendor. Huh, actually that'll do."
