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Army to give politicians adequate time to exploit fallen soldiers during casualty notification process 

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MIAMI, Fla. — Allowing a Member of Congress adequate time to exploit the death of a service member has officially been added to the U.S. Army’s Casualty Notification Process, sources confirmed today.

After receiving an inquiry about the casualty notification process from Rep. Frederica Wilson (D-Fla.), the Department of the Army decided to modify the somber process of notifying the next of kin of a soldier killed in action.

Now, a politician will be allowed the opportunity to carefully craft a narrative which fits whatever their political party wants out of a dead soldier, according to defense officials.

“The casualty notification process is one the Army takes very seriously,” said Capt. Nathan Parker, a casualty assistance officer. “A family is generally inconsolable when they get the news that their loved one was killed in combat,”

“We’ve been trained to expect the family to scream at us, throw things at us, accuse us of all kinds of stuff, Parker said. “Now we’ll also have their local Congressperson sitting right next to them with a notepad during the notification.”

In a statement, Wilson praised the Army for helping all members of Congress not let future tragedies go to waste.

“The sacrifice of our brave servicewomen and men can never be forgotten, or allowed to slip by without spinning it appropriately for political gain. God bless our troopers and special force hero commandos!” she said.

Still, one source inside Wilson’s office was surprised by the Army’s decision.

“We couldn’t believe it wasn’t a formal part of the process to begin with,” the source said. “We do that shit all the time!”

“Believe me, it’s what OUR veterans would want,” the source added.

Donnell contributed to this report.

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