BETHESDA, Md. — After lurching awake in a sweating, panicky daze, new White House National Security Advisor John Bolton was reportedly relieved that the image of a harmonious world at peace was only a terrifying nightmare, sources confirmed today.

“GAA! Oh my God, I just saw people living without the anxiety of total war and Kim Jong Un being a decent human being. It was fucking petrifying,” said Bolton, frantically checking his phone to make sure every news source was still concerned with his neoconservative foreign-policy ideas and pushes for military interventions in Iraq, Syria, Iran, North Korea, Mexico, Venezuela, Aruba, and other countries.