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Coast Guard

Midrats not f–king around tonight

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chicken wings

PACIFIC OCEAN — As the off-going 12 to 4 watch passed through the galley on board the USS Bulkeley (DDG-84) and the 4 to 8 watch just came on duty, sources confirmed the mid-rats were indeed, on f–king point this time.

“Mozzarella sticks, corn dogs, and chicken fingers perfectly crispy, it’s like a dream come true,” witnesses said, adding that there were, oh my God, all the condiments filled, as well as more than enough napkins and clean utensils.

“I am in flavor heaven right now. I just spent four straight hours waiting for this moment and by golly it lived up to the hype,” one sailor told reporters on condition of anonymity.

Other personnel indicated that — bless the Holy Fucking Ghost of late night snack attack — they have melted cheese in a bowl by the fries.

“This is the greatest day of my life,” another sailor said, before heading off to her rack still thinking about the perfectly-grilled cheeseburger she had just digested.

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