PYONGYANG — While definitive information regarding the health of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un is notably absent, the secretive nation reported its first obesity related death in more than 70 years today, leading some Pentagon officials to believe the “Hermit Kingdom” has turned a corner in both agricultural development, and potentially human rights.

“For decades, the top three official causes of death in North Korea were rickets, scurvy, and acute cerebral lead poisoning,” one analyst said. “The first two are due to malnutrition and the third cause is due to talking about the first two. So, an obesity related death is huge for them. Whoever this guy was, he’s probably being idolized as some sort of hero.”

“Still, while this news is interesting, I wish we had clue as to whether or not Kim [Jong-Un] is alive or dead.”