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Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps says he can quit getting haircuts whenever he wants

THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black screamed at the press today during a conference, saying, “I can quit getting haircuts whenever I want!”

The outburst came amid claims of irresponsible decision-making by essentially the entire Marine Corps leadership, as defies the orders of governors, scientists, and rational human beings.

The hill the Marine Corps has decided to die on? Barbershops.

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