MILLINGTON, Tenn. — In the same spirit of innovation that developed the aircraft carrier and nuclear submarines, the Navy may soon field crotch-level rank tabs to solve the problem of the “awkward chest gaze,” sources confirmed today.

Navy officials began to consider the change soon after realizing that rank tabs in the center of a Navy working uniform (NWU) blouse require focusing the eyes at chest level to identify a wearer’s rank, which, in civilian circles, is commonly known as “leering.”

“The discomfort of someone staring at your chest was something our uniform design panel did not initially consider,” said Lt. Cmdr. Davin Baird, a spokesman for Navy Personnel Command.

“I don’t know how we missed that,” Baird said, “because we had a very inclusive panel of senior male officers as well as male chief petty officers, and even a few graybeard warrants.”