THE PENTAGON — Judging by the wistful and forlorn nature of the Pentagon’s latest policy on the use of artificial intelligence, experts say it is clear that the document’s author wrote it during a difficult breakup with his AI girlfriend.

“There’s clearly something personal about this policy. It focuses far too little on information security and far too much on the woes of digital love gone astray,” said AI expert Terry Goggins. “The plethora of AI-generated titties in the margins was also a dead giveaway.”

The policy addresses an ongoing military debate about the potential costs and benefits of using AI in love and war. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin has been heavily involved in AI governance efforts and knows firsthand the risks. He commissioned and approved the policy but noted he was somewhat disappointed with its melodramatic tone.