By Zoltar the Malignant
AUSTIN, Texas — Fresh off of his acquisition of Twitter, billionaire tech entrepreneur Elon Musk offered to purchase the entire Russian Armed Forces for $100 and a half-empty bottle of Stolichnaya vodka.
Musk, the world’s richest man, said in a brief statement earlier today that “he knows a bargain-basement steal when he sees one” and that “you really can’t get more bargain basement right now than the Russian military.”
“Why, you ask? Why not, bitches?” Musk subsequently tweeted.
In a regulatory filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission, Musk noted that he easily was able to line up the financing: he found the $100 bill in his coat pocket, and he lives in a state with drive-thru liquor stores.
A Kremlin spokesman confirmed that Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin and Defense Minister Sergey Shoigu received Musk’s offer and are giving it “careful and thoughtful consideration.”
Putin, appearing on Russian state television after “Tucker Carlsonavi…
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