[INSERT MILITARY UNIT] Struggling with [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR]
Repeated instances of same issues just "a pattern of isolated occurrences"
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WASHINGTON D.C. – Amid a slew of public relations nightmares for the armed forces, [INSERT MILITARY UNIT] is reportedly grappling with [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR].
Despite initial reports pinning the [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR] on [INSERT MILITARY UNIT], there are whispers that this issue might be more widespread than the [MILITARY UNIT’S HIGHER COMMAND] would like to admit.
A confidential source from inside [INSERT MILITARY UNIT] revealed, “Yeah, sure, there’s a ton of [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR], but have you checked out [OTHER MILITARY UNIT]? I just PCS’d from there and it’s not any better.”
The revelation has led many to wonder if [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR] is simply just the tip of a very antiquated and problematic iceberg for [INSERT MILITARY UNIT].
Officials from [INSERT MILITARY UNIT] quickly released a statement, assuring the public that this issue was isolated.
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