In an unprecedented move, the Navy announced today it would relieve itself of command due to a loss of trust and confidence.

“After firing over 750 officers and chiefs in the last month, it has become abundantly clear we lack the required sound decision-making skills to maintain control of the world’s second-largest maritime fighting force,” said Adm. Michael M. Gilday at a press conference announcing the decision.

“Plus, we no longer have the personnel to run things ourselves. It’s basically like a post-Covid Chick-Fil-a.”