Pentagon announces war lineup through 2030
WASHINGTON – The Pentagon released today the official lineup of planned U.S. wars through the year 2030.
Policymakers state that the primary goal of the project, known as the ‘Murican Combat Upsurge (MCU), is to regenerate public excitement over the military industrial complex.
“We haven’t had a real, classic blockbuster war since World War II,” said President Donald Trump. “Sure, the Gulf was okay, but that was a small, made-for-TV war. I like big wars.”
Phase I of the MCU will kick off with a series of brief, solo engagements coming to a variety of combat theaters near you.
“We’ve got to get the audience, I mean the taxpayer, emotionally involved with the different players,” said the program director J.J. Abrams, “NATO is a storied franchise with a lot of history, something those hacks trying to reboot ‘The Warsaw League’ just don’t understand.”
Abrams revealed that Phase I will culminate in a massive global conflict starring an all-star cast of NATO members. Reviewers have called the pr…
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