KABUL — A number of Afghanistan's politicians, warlords, drug smugglers, and Thunder Dome administrators have signed an open letter assuring US Congressional leaders that everything will be just fine
WASHINGTON — The Army says it will replace 85 percent of its personnel with velociraptors by the year 2025, according to a policy memo released this week. According to the document,
FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. – Cheers erupted across the auditorium as senior military officers attended their orientation for the first Command and General Staff College to be run by University of Phoenix,
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Darren Johnson, ten-time employee of the year at the Fort Bragg Central Issue Facility, has had trouble finding Mrs. Right despite his numerous awards. “I don’
WILLISTOWN, Penn. — In perhaps the most daring plot twist of his career, film director M. Night Shyamalan has revealed that the entire trillion dollar F-35 program is a horror movie
NEW YORK — Saying it was impossible to fit the decades of information about the conflict onto his 30-terabyte hard drive, award-winning filmmaker Ken Burns announced that he has run out
NORFOLK, VA. – In his first action as Commander of U.S. Surface Forces, Rear Adm. Richard Brown has announced that all ships will phase out official command photos in favor
EVERYWHERE, USA — America reluctantly admitted that most of its service-members were not actually heroes, sources close to the first-world nation confirmed today. “Discounts, parades, preferred services, all these things that
The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about greeting a female officer. The point will be presented by a male Marine lance corporal. The counterpoint will be presented by every
Turkey retreated and called off its ongoing attack against U.S.-backed Syrian Kurdish forces, soon after the U.S. military launched Operation Overwhelming Concern in the region, sources confirmed
WASHINGTON – People across the nation can finally continue their daily lives without having to thank every veteran they come across for their service, Pentagon officials announced today. Chief Pentagon Spokesperson
MESA, Az.— In what can only be described as a disgraceful slap in the face to one of our nation’s military heroes, a homeowner association (HOA) in the Mesa
SUBIC BAY, Philippines – Petty Officer 3rd Class Jimmy Ortiz, a Boatswain’s mate assigned to the skeleton crew at Subic Bay, has experienced a political awakening regarding the U.S.
MINNEAPOLIS — Sources confirmed that Coast Guard member Paul Brabsack attended the Eagles vs. Patriots Super Bowl game Sunday night and was audibly excited and proud when the announcer thanked “all
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — A soldier stationed at Fort Bragg noticed his identity had been stolen when his credit score suddenly spiked to 560, sources confirmed today. “I was at Armed
THE PENTAGON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis is considering banning cell phones in the Pentagon after two of his shirtless selfies were screen-shotted by various employees, sources told Duffel Blog Friday.
SYRIA — Army Master Sgt. Blake Tilly has decided to do all of his running in place since the fitness app Strava was discovered to compromise the outlines of secret American
WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps' Lance Corporal-in-Chief delivered his State of the Underground address earlier this week, promising his fellow E-3s that the lance corporal underground has "never been
WASHINGTON — Military service members expressed shock after run routes of troops deployed overseas at secret bases were revealed by a fitness app and not a single one was shaped like
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has ordered the Pentagon to begin planning a massive military parade to be held in downtown Washington, which he promised he would make North Korea pay
PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — Just days after the Winter Olympics kicked off, the United States has unexpectedly replaced its entire Skating Team with Marine lance corporals, sources confirmed today. It'
YOUR HOMETOWN — An agent of the deep state working undercover with the NSA has expressed mixed feelings toward the conspiracy theories you post online. Marcus Wolfe — a signals intelligence analyst
CAMP CASEY, Korea — An intelligence analyst tasked with looking into the capabilities of the North Korean military believes he's a perfect fit as the Vegeta character in the
MONTANA — Wow! Somewhere in the woods of Montana, General Field Commander Ted Haskins is showing the world that with enough hard work and dedication, you can live your dreams no
My knowledge of the thing began on Thursday, the seventh of September, with the imprisonment of my cousin Isaac Derleth for crimes related to drunken micturition in the town square.
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