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Inside the paid Sunday Reader. The full edition is included with Supporter; free readers may receive a preview.

Paid Sunday Reader · actual issue preview

This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.

Story Roundup

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

Situation Report

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

Raytheon wins contract to send six guys to stare at shit

Raytheon wins contract to send six guys to stare at shit

WASHINGTON — Raytheon won an exclusive contract to send six retired guys out to stare at shit, sources report.

The six guys will come out next week and will wander around for a month. For a few hours a day they will stand in front of a computer stack and stare at it with their arms crossed. Afterward, they will grab hold of a supervisor at a wildly inappropriate time.

“We're here for the reboot, so you need to take the system down,” they'll say, referring to a system that has been working without an issue for years. One will pull out a laptop and announce the instructions on how to restart a computer. Nobody is allowed to ask if this multimillion dollar contract could be completed by giving an E-4 the laptop.

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