Army

Chinook catches Army flirting with younger, thinner aircraft

PENTAGON — Long rumored tensions came to a head as the CH-47 Chinook Helicopter confronted the U.S. Army after discovering suggestive text messages on the Army’s phone, sources confirmed

Army strategists much better at planning fantasy wars instead of war in Afghanistan

WASHINGTON, DC – Sources suggest the current crop of Army Strategists are experts at the strategic implications of Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Game of Thrones, despite being wholly

Army not looking forward to prostate exam after 244th birthday

WASHINGTON—The Army will celebrate its birthday today with the rite of passage every service endures once it reaches a certain age, the dreaded prostate exam, sources say. Over the

BREAKING: Your weekend has been canceled, because Army

FORT BRAGG, NC—In what is both breaking news and a depressingly familiar twist of fate, your upcoming weekend has been cancelled because Army, numerous sources report. Mass text messages

US Army to drop ‘US’ from name over past links to slavery

WASHINGTON—Since 1775, the United States has had an Army, and for most of those 244 years it has been called the “United States Army.” But now the service will

Army to award ‘expert soldier badge’ upon completion of MEPS

Incoming Sergeant Major of the Army hints at new throwback uniform design

THE PENTAGON—Sources say the newest Sergeant Major of the Army plans to field a throwback uniform to inspire pride within the ranks and prepare the Army for the impending

Audiobook of Army operations field manual hits seven downloads on iTunes

FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan.—The audiobook version of the Army's operations manual, which will drive how the force fights in future large-scale combat operations, received its seventh download on

Army Cyber brigade requests exemption from online training

FORT MEADE, Md.—The Army's most elite cyber operations unit has requested a blanket exemption from conducting mandatory online training, according to several sources familiar with the matter.

Army captains to complete ‘ice bucket challenge’ at career course

New Army chief of staff introduces #TryWinning campaign

WASHINGTON — In his first week as Army Chief of Staff, General James C. McConville emailed a letter to the force outlining his humble suggestion that the army #TryWinning sometime, just

Sgt. Maj. Of the Army tells chief of staff he’ll never make it on the outside

THE PENTAGON -- Command Sgt. Maj. Michael A. Grinston, the 16th Sgt. Maj. of the Army, told Army Chief of Staff James C. McConville that he’ll “never make it

Army names astronaut anne McClain as senior Cyber crime officer

WASHINGTON — Senior Army officials are calling the appointment of Lt. Col. Anne McClain, astronaut and cyber capabilities expert, as Director of the Cyber Crime Prevention Program a step toward ensuring

Army feeling cute, may change its uniforms again

WASHINGTON — The Army posted a photo to Instagram today with the caption “Feeling cute, may change the Army uniform later, IDK.” The Air Force and Coast Guard both totally liked

Army to discuss swag-bag strategy at AUSA conference

WASHINGTON — The Association of the United States Army (AUSA) describes their annual meeting as the largest landpower exposition and professional development forum in North America. While tens of thousands of

Meet the Army’s elite, top-secret admin unit

FORT BENNING, Ga. — In 1972, a crack admin unit was issued a letter of reprimand by a military court for a clerical error they didn’t commit. These men promptly

Womack Army medical center’s infant mortality rate inches above Afghanistan’s

FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Womack Army Medical Center, commonly referred to as Hell’s Hospital, finally surpassed Afghanistan’s infant mortality rate. The rate improved dramatically once Hell decided to