WASHINGTON — The American people have been rocked by revelations that Galactus, god of oblivion, devourer of worlds, was detected today approaching our galaxy at a speed that can only be described as ludicrous.

After the news broke of the planet’s impending doom, White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany told reporters, “The President has been aware of this threat for several months, and our top scientists agree that they can’t imagine anyone who could have done more to prepare us than President Trump.”

“I wanted to always play it down,” a smiling Trump told Fox and Friends. “But really, no President before me has better prepared the country to repel this big guy… Some folks call him Galactus, the hunger that does not cease, but I call him the big guy. I don’t want to scare people and create a panic.”