Good afternoon, young sir, and thanks for stopping by!

You may not realize it, but that moment you just walked in off the mall promenade and into this recruiting office may very well have been the moment you forever changed your life for the better. Because whether you decide to serve for an entire 20-year career or just one enlistment, any time spent serving in the Navy is time that will benefit you in a number of invaluable ways, and I’d like you to lend me your ear so I can tell you all about it.

Additionally, if it isn’t too much trouble, I’d also like you to close those blinds and help me pour this piping hot candle wax onto my naked scrotum, because I have difficulty getting the right feeling when I try to do it by myself.

Now, where to begin? If it’s job security and a decent paycheck you want, you really need look no further. Along with your base pay, there’s also sea pay, housing allowances, and a number of other financial incentives to make your time in uniform worth it. In fact, I think I have a brochure with a list of all the perks around here that I can show you just as soon as I get these pants and skivvies off.