Troops fly happy socks at half mast to honor memory of Hugh Hefner

LOS ANGELES, CALIF. — After news broke last night of the passing of the iconic Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, troops across the globe decided to honor his memory with a ceremonial flying of happy-socks at half mast, sources confirmed today.

His death was announced by a spokesperson for Playboy magazine, a publication founded in the 1950’s that became one of the most recognizable icons in the industry, if not the world. All across DoD facilities, bathrooms and port-a-johns are adorned with the magazines for “professional military education” during otherwise mundane bathroom activities.

The magazine has served in every war America has fought in since its creation in 1953, according to defense officials.

For example, The National Museum of the Marine Corps in Quantico, VA actually contains within its collection one of the original December 1953 magazines featuring Marilyn Monroe. That particular copy served the entire Army 7th Infantry Division as they manned the DMZ after the end of the Korean War earlier that year. A replica can be found in the men’s bathroom for closer examination of the piece, museum officials said.

Even with the rise of Juggs and Hustler in modern times, Playboy has been a staple of modern day combat stress relief. A March 2004 edition of the magazine was even awarded the Bronze Star after saving the life of Army Pfc. Jonathan King by protecting his femoral arteries from shrapnel during a rocket attack on Al Asad Air Base in November 2014.

“Thank God that little black, bow-tied bunny was in my lap that day,” King told reporters. “If not, I might not be here. Mr. Hefner helped saved my life that day.”

Marines stationed at Camp Pendleton, California will be holding a candle-light vigil on Friday night, encouraging many to drive up to the Playboy Mansion in Beverly Hills afterward to pay their respects and get obliterated drunk in Hefner’s honor. Many intend on bringing their favorite centerfold and crusty socks to decorate the walls of the base chapel, where the vigil is being held.

Similar services are being held nationwide, and the Department of Defense has called for all happy-socks to be flown at half mast over the weekend.


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