Detroit, Mich. — With the communists in Congress engaged in the worst witch hunt in history, it can seem like loyalty to the President is hard to come by. That’s what makes real American heroes like local veteran Will Anders so incredible.

“They call Trump a warmonger, then complain when he ends the war in Syria,” Anders said, taking a brief break from ranting in his pickup truck about homosexuals in the military. “They need to make up their—wait, we’re still in Syria? And now we’re starting a war with Iran? Good.”

“Our only mistake in Iraq and Afghanistan was not committing hard enough. We need to stay the course.”