Mysterious Hero Emerges to Fight Toxic Leadership, COVID-19


THE PENTAGON — Reports have emerged of a mysterious hero fighting COVID-19—as well as toxic leadership across the Department of Defense.

The hero, known only as “Captain C”, has made literal waves out of the excessive perspiring of senior Pentagon leaders over the last few days. According to an official who only gave his name as “Clark Hesper,” senior Pentagon personnel were extremely worried about the damage Captain C could inflict if he decided to release sensitive information about higher-ups at the DoD.

Asked if the many high-ranking officials at the Pentagon should evacuate, Hesper said, “I don’t think we’re at that point.”

However, just because the Pentagon doesn’t think so, doesn’t mean Captain C isn’t ready to push for it.

After helping save almost 3,000 sailors from the perils of toxic leadership and COVID-19, Captain C told the brass, “I wasn’t at war before, but now I am,” and then flew off to chants of “Cap-tain C! Cap-tain C!” from the rescued sailors.

Inspired by the news, many have taken to social media to express support and admiration for Captain C. Rumors are even floating around that Marvel has already begun working on a Netflix origin-story series to set-up a three-part movie deal.

Whatever is next for Captain C, it surely will inspire others to fight for junior members of the military.


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