COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — After bubbles were leveled during a recent combatant commanders conference, a record number of table-slaps occurred, according to sources.

The potentially contentious conference, dubbed “Jargon 21,” could have quickly led to table-flipping and bubble-bursting. But instead, the assembled four-stars all ripped the band-aid off their disagreements and gained consensus just 12 minutes into the all-day session.

“More than 400 slaps occurred throughout the day, and the lack of pushback was amazing,” said Maj. Winstone Winston, an adjutant assigned to tick-mark the number of slaps and when they occurred. “But due diligence requires me to tell you that saying anything further is above my pay grade.”

“So many general officers just picked up the football and ran with it, that it won’t be any problem to run it up the Chairman’s flagpole and see if he salutes.”