SPACE – It was another mundane watch on the USS Buzz Aldrin and you were just grabbing a quick protein snack before your shift when suddenly you sense what feels like a huge shit or an alien growing inside you. However, Culinary Specialist 2nd Class Harold Rubio nervously denies his hard-boiled eggs had anything to do with it.

According to ship protocol, all food stores are to be placed in the adjacent containment to the Zergomorph seeds. However, during an evasive maneuver through the asteroid belt last night, some boxes may have shifted, confirms an edgy mess cook who requested anonymity.

You knew when you sprinkled salt and pepper on the eggs just before ingesting them that something was not right. But you’ve had plenty of military cooking before, so something moving around inside the eggs and making a hissing sound wasn’t much different than last week’s dehydrated lasagna.