By RED Friday

The Snellville chapter of the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Georgia delayed the start of its bingo night until a fat guy with a beard showed up, sources confirmed today.

“We can’t start until we fill out our checklist,” post quartermaster Roger Hornswaggle said as he passed out bingo sheets to the rowdy crowd. “We have a list of people that must attend to ensure proper veteran representation.”

“Every crowd of veterans has strict requirements,” Hornswaggle continued. “There must be at least one jacked guy, someone wearing a moto t-shirt, an active duty E-6, two women, one pair cargo shorts, and a weird old guy. It’s written right here in our charter. Once everyone’s here someone will get upset about paying dues. Then we’ll play the National Anthem.”

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“Although it is hard to tell if a single person is a veteran, our research has consistently shown a group of veterans will all look alike,” said Michael Dimok, president of the Pew Research Center.

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JEFFERSON CITY, Mo. — Local Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 654 is currently trying to figure out how to both honor and ban their racist World War II veteran, sources report. Eighty-seven-year-old Army veteran Mike Wallace comes to the post every day, where he shares stories about his time in the Pacific and the superiority of the white race…

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“Our data matches the Snellville …