HOLLYWOOD, Calif. — The numbers are in from opening weekend, and Midway has captured America’s hearts as equally as it has rekindled a history of deep-seated racism against the Japanese.
WASHINGTON — Coast Guard officials are preparing for the looming government shutdown, or “fundraising season” as they now call it, with a celebrity-hosted telethon, sources confirmed today. “Other Homeland Security agencies
HONOLULU — A new report from U.S. IndoPacific Command reveals harrowing details about China's growing fleet of vert ramps, which experts say can only be countered by heavy
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Well, an actual prosthetic leg has managed to become Airborne qualified. The ceremony for said leg, which the Airborne Cadre affectionately referenced by its given name, “Fucking
DURHAM, N.C. — Veteran-owned clothing company Ranger Up has released a first-of-its kind "Tactical Bathrobe" for customers who are unemployed veteran operators. According to the company's
DAMASCUS — On Saturday, Russian Air Force bombers killed a senior Islamic State facilitation leader named Hussain Junaid al-Amriki during an air raid on a hospital in Idlib Province, Syria. Russian
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has pardoned Ft. Hood shooter Nidal Hassan, his lawyers report. “Pathetic lawyers and courts are unfairly judging our men in uniform,” Trump tweeted earlier today. “These
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Psychological Operations community has long been known to be sort of weird. They have reached a new high, though, after finally receiving approval from the
FORT BENNING, Ga. — In 1972, a crack admin unit was issued a letter of reprimand by a military court for a clerical error they didn’t commit. These men promptly
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — NORAD will be tracking Satan for the holidays after a typo on an internal operations order diverted the beloved Santa-tracking program to describing the location of Lucifer,
FORT MEADE, Md. – A promotion ceremony held at the Officer’s Club had better cake than leadership, attendees confirmed Tuesday. “(Newly Promoted) Lt. Col. Rogers pinned on his forth review,
WASHINGTON — Impeachment fever is sweeping the nation and the military’s most vocal barracks lawyers are providing confident, baseless, and often unsolicited commentary on the House impeachment hearings in both
Americans increasingly respect and revere our nation's veterans, and after two decades of non-stop wars many veterans have returned the favor and moved on from military service to
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has intervened on behalf of three Fort Bragg soldiers who found themselves in trouble recently. Spc. Willis Kerstetter, Michael Mills, and Hector Tapia—each assigned to
MOSUL, Iraq — A spokesman for Kurds in Syria and northern Iraq voiced some of the most fiercely anti-U.S. sentiments to date by condemning President Trump’s probable pre-Thanksgiving Turkey
ANCHORAGE, Ak. — Cold weather endurance and survival training were recently canceled for a battalion of the 3d Cavalry Regiment due to a snowstorm that hit the Anchorage area. “According to
WASHINGTON – The House Intelligence Committee called upon Col. Mustard to testify last Tuesday in the hearings related to President Donald Trump's impeachment. Mustard, a career Army officer and
YOUR MOM’S HOUSE — A spokesman for the garrison command team confirmed this week that, among other updates to the Off Limits Establishment list, your mom’s house has been
Dick Scuttlebutt is Duffel Blog’s legal correspondent, and has degrees in both Legality and Legonomy from East Dickhole State University. Go Manticores! Disclaimer: Dick Scuttlebutt is not certified by
THE PENTAGON – Acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas Modly announced today that the Navy will change its special warfare insignia, widely known as the “SEAL trident,” from an eagle holding
FORT MEADE, Md. — The Defense Department unveiled its first joint utilities uniform, approved for all service members staffing cyber missions. The "Combined Uniform Camouflage" pattern breaks with the
MYSTICAL ISLAND OF CATAN – President Donald Trump asked Congress to declare war on the Settlers of Catan, sources report. The dispute began when the president’s hopes of building the
The following are essays penned by Jason Wiseman, a mid-level logistics coordinator for a major corporation and former Army Air Defense Artillery officer who served five years in the active
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Womack Army Medical Center, commonly referred to as Hell’s Hospital, finally surpassed Afghanistan’s infant mortality rate. The rate improved dramatically once Hell decided to
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