This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
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Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
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Navy
The service that floats around the world looking for Wi-Fi.
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Navy SEALs no longer allowed to wear blackface
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Special operators will no longer be allowed to wear black face paint after biting criticism from activist groups, sources confirmed
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
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Coast Guard saves lovable Navy SEAL tangled in net
PANAMA CITY, Panama — A Virginia-based U.S. Coast Guard crew recently became a helping hand for an adorable sea creature needing help. The USCG Cutter Bear’s
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy pranks Army with 17 years of sustained land-based combat just before Army-Navy game
PHILADELPHIA — Midshipmen carried on a long tradition of friendly hijinks just before their collegiate rivalry game by pranking Army with 17 years of sustained land-based combat to
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readNavy SEAL: The best way to tell people you're a Navy SEAL is to tell them
NORFOLK, Va. — Navy SEALs, one of America’s most iconic special operations forces, are renowned for their expertise, prowess, and the shroud of secrecy surrounding their operations. However,
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy announces newest occupational specialty: ‘meat gazer’
WASHINGTON — The Navy announced today the creation of a new career track to help with its large urinalysis test backlog: meat gazer. The new Navy occupational specialty will
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy warns sailors who can’t deploy that they will be reviewed for promotion
SAN DIEGO — Non-deployable sailors can breathe a heavy sigh of relief as Navy officials plan to implement its new “Deploy or Get Promoted” policy, sources confirmed today.
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readNavy and Disney partner to offer ‘the most magical deployments on earth’
SAN DIEGO — Disney is ready to sprinkle some magic over future Navy deployments. The Navy plans to plus up its fleet over the next five years, but its
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
Carrier forced into early retirement after being exposed as maritime supremacist
WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials confirmed today that their announcement calling for the unexpected retirement of USS Harry S. Truman stemmed from shocking revelations of the aircraft carrier’s dark
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
Parents bribe service academies to not accept their children’s applications
WEST POINT — As a string of high-profile college bribery scandals come to light, the FBI has also uncovered that affluent parents are covertly paying service academy admissions
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
NCIS sting: Marines bribe officials for acceptance into University of Phoenix, Strayer University
The Naval Criminal Investigation Service announced today the indictment of several Marines accused of bribing college officials for admission to some of the nation’s top online diploma
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
'Don’t worry, this chapter of my book will be awesome' SEAL tells dying teammate
A Navy SEAL reassured a teammate dying from multiple gunshot wounds that this portion of his book would be "awesome,” sources confirmed today. "This is awesome.
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
Service chiefs really tired of this congressional committee’s crap
WASHINGTON — The Defense Department’s service chiefs are massively weary of this stupid Congressional committee hearing, sources confirmed today. Although the hearing on force readiness in the mid-
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
Navy eyeing discounted Boeing 737s
RENTON, Wash. — The Navy is investigating a potential "sweet deal" to increase its fleet of P-8 aircraft, sources confirmed today. The Navy's P-
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
J.R. Majewski recalls moment he killed Bin Laden
He fired 47 shots, all in his head.
Sep 30, 2022 · 2 min read
Top Navy dolphin implicated in ‘favors-for-fish’ scandal
“We knew something smelled fishy”
Aug 13, 2022 · 2 min read
Navy boasts ‘Fat Leonard’-size recruitment bonuses
Sign me up.
Jul 14, 2022 · 3 min read
Navy relieves itself of command
It's about time.
Jun 17, 2022 · 1 min read
Top Marine enlisted leader tells grunts in foxhole at least they're 'not in the Navy'
Could be worse!
Apr 29, 2022 · 2 min read
Eddie Gallagher’s top 5 defense tips for Russians accused of war crimes
"I know how to own a courtroom."
Apr 26, 2022 · 2 min read
Russian navy invades bottom of black sea
The unprovoked attack on the sea floor surprised analysts.
Apr 15, 2022 · 2 min read
USS Your Mother’s A Whore joins list of controversial Navy ships
Still better than those Civil War losers.
Apr 11, 2022 · 2 min read
Bored US Navy considering starting some shit with dolphins
Who is the chicken of the sea now?
Feb 11, 2022 · 2 min read
British Navy uses giant bowl of rice to repair F-35 that crashed into Mediterranean
Pip pip cheerio!
Jan 22, 2022 · 1 min read
Navy submarines to be equipped with reflective belts to avoid future collisions
This has to work.
Jan 17, 2022 · 2 min read
Toddler aimlessly wandering around base may be lost child or new XO
Either way, he is a cute little fella.
Dec 17, 2021 · 2 min read
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