USS Clinton skipper claims he did not have international relations in South China Sea

“You should’ve seen what those beaches were wearing," the captain said.

SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH CHINA SEA — China has issued a fiery protest after the U.S. Navy’s recently-minted USS William J. Clinton aircraft carrier penetrated waters claimed by Beijing. When questioned about the aircraft carrier’s exact location, however, Navy Capt. Larry “Blue Dress” Tripp insisted that he “did not have international relations with that country.”

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The ever-changing claims of China in the South China Sea have made the region difficult for the United States’ airborne and seaborne vessels to transit. Captain Tripp, the first commander of the USS Clinton, appeared to be pursuing the region and its voluptuous waters, which continue to be of strategic interest to the United States.

The South China Sea has not commented on the incident, although an anonymous source claims that the waters presented a promiscuous dock that tempted the USS Clinton. According to officials, when the aircraft carrier came within 12 nautical miles of the Chinese coast, the point where sovereignty begins under maritime laws, the carrier ejaculated seamen assigned to the ship into the water. However, they did not actually touch land. USS Clinton senior leadership has been ordered to cum home for a full legal and DNA inspection while the entanglement continues to be investigated.

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“The area just south of China and east of Taiwan continues to be a h-o-t area,” emitted Tripp. “You should’ve seen what those beaches were wearing. I had no idea that transiting within 12 miles of Chinese coastlines was considered international intercourse. They really should start covering that at staff school.”

Although the carrier released only a small amount of fluid off the coast and did not even touch the shore, Chinese authorities are increasingly viewing the incident with carnal anger.

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