“I was first in line,” said Pfc. Travis Thompson, who camped overnight for the release.
He's taking a firm stance not against, but in support of drug use.
The publication's editor was added to another Signal chat called "Joint Ops Bantz 🔥💥🚀 (NO FOREIGN)"
“Oops, I got my wires crossed again."
Budgetary offices across the service branches are scrambling after receiving the ambiguous guidance.
"The very first thing he signed was, ‘Dookie, Sir, West Point, Sir!’”
“You should’ve seen what those beaches were wearing," the captain said.
The embattled Pentagon chief, long viewed as a DUI hire, is looking for the exits.
“Honoring the troops is core to our brand,” said Lauren Trent, Applebee’s Chief Marketing Officer.
"There’s no ‘I’ in team" but there are three 'U's in "shut the f--k up"
The service's novel approach is to recruit technologically adept virgins into the intelligence community.
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
Duffel Blog obtained the confidential memo.
"The supplier increased the cost by 145%."
Anonymous clergy sources confirmed that Francis had reviewed Vance’s background and uttered the words “Not today, Satan."
A 34-inch, 32-ounce piece of American maple hurtling through international waters with big league dreams.
“I just want to do my job, follow orders, and not think about all that foreign policy blah blah blah.”
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
"People say, ‘Oh, they risked their lives, they served their country.’ But did they ever have to convince a medical doctor to write a note? I don’t think so."
Names and “zingers” questioning another service member’s sexual orientation are allowed immediately.
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
"Accountability has been my watchword from day one, and my little boo-boo is no exception,” he said.
Intel update briefing prepared by National Security Advisor Mike Waltz
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