President Trump orders Navy to scuttle USS John S. McCain

TOKYO—President Donald Trump has ordered that the crew of the USS John S. McCain (DDG-56) to scuttle the ship. The order, relayed through acting Acting Defense

Navy says its not the size of the fleet, but how you use it

NORFOLK, Va.—The Navy says the size of its fleet is just fine, thank you, and to stop counting its ships and start thinking about the service’s

Pentagon relieved to discover tankers in gulf of oman just collided with US Navy warships

WASHINGTON — Officials at the Pentagon breathed a collective sigh of relief this week after receiving word that the tankers damaged Thursday in the Gulf of Oman were actually

Guam finally capsizes

THE PACIFIC OCEAN—After years of warnings from Congress, the island of Guam has finally capsized, according to several Department of Defense officials familiar with the matter. Satellite

Navy relocates BUD/s to fort Leavenworth

FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. — The US Navy has decided to get in front of some of the SEAL controversies by relocating BUD/S to Fort Leavenworth, home of the

Haunted Navy lodge room still worth the rate

SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Sources at the Navy Lodge on North Island have reported multiple sightings of terrifying apparitions and demonic sounds coming from Room 453. However with a

Coast Guard asks to crash on Navy’s couch 'just for a little while'

Navy football unveils “Donald Duck heritage” pants-less uniforms for Army/Navy

ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Ahead of the annual Army-Navy game, Navy Football has unveiled their custom 2019 game uniforms. The uniforms are Donald Duck themed and come complete with

Navy: Obese sailors more buoyant, save billions in life jacket costs

PENTAGON — Sailors’ waistlines may be expanding, but their increased buoyancy is saving the Defense Department billions of dollars in life-jacket costs, according to a study released by

Navy combat fatness test starts soon for chiefs and super chiefs

THE PENTAGON — The Army may have a new physical fitness test, but the Navy has countered with a new Combat Fatness Test. All chief petty officers and above

VA finally mails disability rating decision to Navy veteran kirk douglas

WASHINGTON — The tenth Secretary of Veterans Affairs, The Honorable Robert Wilkie, is proud to announce his agency finally has mailed Navy veteran Kirk Douglas his disability rating decision.

SECNAV: The best way to halt COVID-19 is a 355 ship navy

WASHINGTON — Acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas B. Modly cited the importance of a 355-ship navy in the fight against the novel coronavirus at a think tank

Princess cruises offers Navy tips on Coronavirus

SAN DIEGO — A representative of Princess Cruises has met with the U.S. Navy Pacific fleet to share what the cruise ship operator has learned about Coronavirus in

Ousted Navy secretary modly vows to find out who stole frozen strawberries

THE PACIFIC — Ousted Navy Secretary Thomas Modly said Wednesday that he would continue to investigate the theft of one quart of frozen strawberries aboard the USS Theodore Roosevelt,

Mullets are back as Navy relaxes grooming standard

WASHINGTON — To limit the spread of COVID-19, the Navy has announced the temporary loosening of its notoriously strict grooming standards. “We’re still going to make everyone

Navy reduces sailor obesity with ‘slow-feeder’ galley trays

SAN DIEGO, Calif. — The fattest service nine years running, the Navy is seeking a solution to the obesity epidemic sweeping our nation’s military. The service has made

Navy fitness-instructor school plagued with inexplicably high rates of diabetes

MILLINGTON, Tenn. — The Navy’s primary school for training sailors to become physical fitness instructors has recently been plagued by sweaty, heavy-breathing students who have exceptionally high

Navy names missile after Crozier just to fire him a third time

WASHINGTON — The US Navy has officially named a smart bomb after Capt. Brett Crozier, the officer who spoke up in order to protect his crew from COVID-19,

Army-Navy game to be renamed 'Suckers vs. Losers bowl'

WASHINGTON — The Defense Secretary on Tuesday ordered the Army-Navy Game renamed to Suckers vs. Losers Bowl in order to better reflect White House policy changes toward the

Navy announces ‘paperless system’ with mandatory paper copies

WASHINGTON — Secretary of the Navy Kenneth Braithwaite announced the Navy would be shifting to a paperless administration system with mandatory paper copies, sources report. “We need to streamline

Air Force smart bomb too clever for dumb Navy bomb

NEVADA TEST AND TRAINING RANGE, Nev. — After winning a competition at the military’s annual Red Flag exercise, an Air Force Small Diameter Bomb II was just too

Marine Lance Corporal tries to attack Japan after watching ‘Pearl Harbor’ movie

KANEOHE BAY, HI - A Marine stationed aboard Marine Corps Base Hawaii recently went on a personal mission to attack Japan. Lance Corporal James Vanhue, of 1st Battalion, 3rd

Controversial 'Navy SEAL slide' move now taught at BUD/s

CORONADO, CA — In a memo that is sure to send shockwaves through the SEAL community, Naval Special Warfare Command released details on a new move to be taught

Navy: Strip clubs and bars to be installed aboard aircraft carriers

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Pentagon announced today that the Navy will be installing strip clubs and bars aboard all aircraft carriers. The unusual move comes at a time