THE PENTAGON — In response to the unexpected soiling of a lieutenant's underwear, every member of the U.S. armed forces will now be required to wear diapers, Duffel
MILWAUKEE— Boatswain's Mate 3rd Class Brad Jarest walked into Iron Arms Tattoo on Saturday and received a Semper Paratus tattoo on his right shoulder. The official motto of
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — A U.S. Marine currently experiencing neurological degeneration due to severe sleep deprivation is lazy and incredibly undisciplined, his platoon sergeant says. Cpl. Michael Rodriguez, a mortar
Rubbers. Too many times I avoided the use of a prophylactic. What else can I say about this? The truth? The truth is that the first time you get The
THE PENTAGON — Maj. Gen. Grigori Tepes, the Army’s first openly zombie general, has focused his command on one thing: more soldiers to fight and win America’s wars in
CLEVELAND, Ohio — Army veteran Jacob Smathers is celebrating after President Donald Trump signed the "Forever GI Bill" into law earlier this month, sources confirmed today. "Man is
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — A decorated US Marine Corps Scout Sniper on his seventh deployment has set a military-wide record for the most confirmed divorces, sources confirmed today. Staff Sgt. Jeremy Hoffman,
MAZAR-I-SHARIF, Afghanistan — It seems like just yesterday Mohammed al Hamza was excitedly greeting a small band of American Special Forces after they entered his country in the dead of night
HOLLYWOOD — The new trailer for Afghanistan 17: Back to Kandahar, the latest installment of America Studios long-running Afghan war franchise, has been met with disapproval by many critics. Studio officials
KABUL, Afghanistan — Sixteen years after Sept. 11, 2001, a soldier deployed to Afghanistan is avenging the devastating terrorist attacks of that day by handing out 100-dollar bills to corrupt contractors
NEW YORK, N.Y. — As the 16th anniversary of the September 11th, 2001 terrorist attacks begins, many military members throughout the world are taking time out of their day to
This is for you, the Marine, soldier, sailor, airman, or whatever other title we give to the living tools of imperialist aggression. Look on these words and the unbearable whiteness
THE BARRACKS — An anonymous newsletter recently posted in the barracks is starting to make the rounds on social media and states veterans should attend four-year universities because co-eds totally want
[tps_header] If you served in the Global War on Terror, you know the long war is known for a couple of things: Shadowy enemies, fighting bad guys with shifting
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — That one guy in your unit with a "9/11 Never Forget" on the back of his Jeep is definitely black out drunk right now
MOBILE, Ala. — There’s no question that patriotic Americans love the military, but local man Custer Laramie puts just about everyone to shame. From the huge “If You Won’t
KABUL — Afghanistan is telling friends that it has decided to break up with long-time boyfriend Freedom. “We’ve endured enough,” sources say the burka-clad beauty told gal-pals. Neighbors say the
FORT STEWART, Ga. — Master Sgt. Rollie Jenkins, a wheeled-vehicle mechanic by training, told his soldiers again today that he would destroy boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather in a martial
WASHINGTON — Legislation introduced by Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) failed to pass on Wednesday that would have effectively ended the war in Afghanistan and the bombing of at least six other
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — After President Trump's order to the Pentagon to bar transgender people from military service, one company first sergeant is pushing back, by using gender-neutral pronouns.
If yer 'eadin' down to 'Ay Street To 'ave a bit a fun Be sure to take sheepguts, Pretect yerself my son Be sure to cover
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — An atheist Navy SEAL who practices CrossFit and built his own gaming PC hasn't told anyone about his vaping habit, sources confirmed today. According to
SOMEWHERE UNDERGROUND — A local conspiracy theorist believes that the recent events around the world are "just the beginning," sources have confirmed. "Things are about to kick off,
MANAMA, Bahrain — A sailor onboard the USS Truxton acted like a total weirdo by waiting until after watch to masturbate, sources confirmed today. Operational Specialist 3rd Class Jack Winter finished
OKLAHOMA CITY, Okla. — The median age of doctors working at Military Entrance Processing Facilities has dropped to 97 years old, a new study shows. The drastic change in the median
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