1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? 2. Why are you 3 hours late? 3. Wait, you were just a goat farmer yesterday? 4. Jesus Christ, what do you mean you need
PARIS — Adm. Jean Vantinel, Chef d'état-major de la Marine of the French Navy, has announced the Marine Nationale will christen the world’s most technologically-advanced mimesweeper this fall
FORT SILL, Okla. — After receiving a negative counseling session for spraying the senior leadership team with simulated semen during an objectives-based training briefing, Lt. Col. Damon Wells has admitted to
WASHINGTON — Although there have been questions over whether an upcoming summit between the top leaders of the United States and North Korea would take place, officials from both countries say
FALLS CHURCH, Va. — Tricare will extend benefits to that one girl named Kyle, Kelly, or maybe it was Carly from Tinder that you hooked up with two years ago, sources
CAMP PENDLETON — Tired of being denied dates by male civilians and fellow service members alike, Marine Sgt. Jennifer Lattimore recently transferred to the Air Force in the hopes of finally
The following is a Point/Counterpoint debate regarding the relevancy of the United States Coast Guard and whether or not it serves an important role in the US Government. The
PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. — Citing his desire "do something different," an Air Force technical sergeant has inspired the enlisted ranks by leaving his parent service to join the
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has signed a bill allowing veterans with a terminal diagnoses to receive the most basic care from a physician, sources confirmed today. Veterans with
PACIFIC OCEAN — As the off-going 12 to 4 watch passed through the galley on board the USS Bulkeley (DDG-84) and the 4 to 8 watch just came on duty, sources
FORT PICKETT, VIRGNIA — The Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army, General Mark A. Milley, has recognized the 276th Engineer Battalion of the Virginia Army National Guard for outstanding
SAN FRANCISCO — Silicon Valley technology giants Apple, Facebook and Google, in a rare joint statement, condemned the National Security Agency and other government organizations for mining internet users’ private data
MOSCOW — Kremlin officials say that former U.S. Army 2nd Lt. Spenser Rapone has been approved for a lateral commission into the Russian Ground Forces, sources confirmed today. "We&
LOW EARTH ORBIT — Space may be the final frontier, but for one former sailor, it’s only the beginning. Space Cadet Second Class Chester “Fudge” Thompkins, once a quark’s
SPACE — While training with the inaugural class of the recently announced U.S. Space Force, sources say Lt. j.g. Tyler Shoelaces got lost during a navigation exercise and wandered
SEOUL — Pfc. Jacob Robertson, a soldier stationed in South Korea, says he is relieved that President Donald Trump has canceled exercise for the U.S. military on the Korean Peninsula,
THE PENTAGON – The Department of Defense has announced that in the future, all strategic analysis will be outsourced to private corporations. The defense contractor Booz Allen Hamilton is expected to
MAYADEEN, Syria — ISIS recruit Abdul Mourad stuffed a live goat into an amnesty box early yesterday morning, sources familiar with the incident say. The young goat could be heard baying
The following is an article by author Malachi Alvord van Kirk from the September 1861 issue of Duffel Blog’s Civil War-era predecessor, The Knapsack Gazette. FORT CORCORAN, Va. — Union
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — A soldier in your platoon who constantly tells ladies about an impressive kill-count on his last deployment has been found out to have mostly spent that
WASHINGTON — Col. Sanders and Capt. Crunch, the longest serving members of the Joint Chiefs of Snack, have spoken publicly about their frustration that the current administration has yet to appoint
WASHINGTON – The National Association of Ghost Horses, or NAGH, has spoken out against a memorial for military working dogs, sources confirmed today. “It’s a matter of fairness,” said Cincinnati,
AFGHANISTAN — Feeling the need to intellectually lord over "those ground-pounders who barely passed their ASVAB," a dickbag Grammar Nazi in the tactical operations center has corrected typos found
AUSTIN, Texas — A man who recently left the U.S. Army has gained the inevitable veteran 214 before starting college classes on the G.I. Bill, sources confirmed today. Jason
OKINAWA, Japan — In the wake of the much heralded success of the new pizza MRE, the Department of Defense has decided to produce a fresh-from-the-sea sushi meal with a shelf-life
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