FORT MEADE, Md. — The physical headquarters for U.S. Cyber Command declared “Cyber Protection Condition 1” last night after Commanding General Paul Nakasone self-reported losing the sticky note with the master password written on it, sources confirm.

“CPCON 1” requires personnel to implement the highest possible level of protection for all computers. It is normally only declared when Russia invades a country looking to join NATO, “But this is more important,” Chief of Staff Maj. Gen. Bradley L. Pyburn told a public affairs influencer on a NIPRNET podcast this morning.

“The Senate has finally confirmed General Nakasone’s replacement,’” Pyburn told the podcast audience. “Now he must turn in the master password to our CIF clerk so it can be reissued. Losing it is way worse than losing a canteen. Good luck getting his commander-in-chief’s signature if we can’t find that sticky note.”

Pyburn told the public affairs influencer, “The boss is pretty old in computer years so he wrote the master password on a sticky note. The guy’s commanded Cyber Command since 2018, which is equivalent to two Defense Distinguished Service Medals.” Before that, Nakasone led Army Cyber Command.