’MURICA — The entire U.S. military returned home from Afghanistan this week, intending to give America a poignant, joyful surprise reunion. Instead, it caught America in bed with someone else.
WASHINGTON — Happy birthday, Coast Guard! Semper paramus, you magnificent puddle pirates! We love you guys. We do. We're so happy to—wait, what? Crap. Look. We totally had
FORT SILL, Okla. — In the first documented case of artificial intelligence committing suicide, a "predictive keyboard" self-destructed yesterday after Defense Advanced Research Project Agency (DARPA) scientists forced it
FORT REDACTED, Ga. — The weird guy in your unit is asking a lot of questions about age of consent, sources report. Near the end of a three hour brief everyone
JOINT BASE SAN ANTONIO, Texas – A heartbreaking scene unfolded today at an Air Mobility Command terminal when staff told a general he would not be able to deploy with his
SANA’AH, Yemen — Hussein Muhammad al-Houthi, a mid-level ground commander for the Ansar Allah, smiles enthusiastically as he enjoys tea with his trusted lieutenants in a ramshackle shop nestled in
WASHINGTON — The Army posted a photo to Instagram today with the caption “Feeling cute, may change the Army uniform later, IDK.” The Air Force and Coast Guard both totally liked
ANGEL GROVE, Calif. — For years, Jason Lee Scott, better known as the Red Power Ranger, has lived a life of lies and stolen valor on a hitherto unprecedented level. But
BAHRAIN — In an attack that has his entire chain of command scratching its heads, Marine Sgt. Cliff Smith committed a heinous war crime despite the fact that he shaved everyday.
MINOT AFB, N.D. — Air Force leaders are applauding a group of airmen for using the popular “Tetris Challenge” to show how much shit enterprising security police forces can lose
THE PENTAGON — General Mark A. Milley, new Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, has filed a formal grievance after discovering the outgoing chairman left him a book full of
WASHINGTON — Throwing the Pentagon into a frenzy this morning, sources say local four-star general Everett Thomas had only attained a one-star rating on user review app Yelp. Based on 126
SAN ANDRES ISLAND, Colombia — After the U.S. Coast Guard released dramatic video of the capture of a drug-smuggling semi-submersible in the Eastern Pacific, drug cartels have imposed a two-week
WASHINGTON — It is humbling to see total strangers attend the funerals of veterans’ who don't have any family, but lawmakers are going the extra mile to avoid that
WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials have quietly confirmed what military personnel have long suspected: Most critical defense-related decisions are made by cats pushing random objects off tables. The power of cats has
RANDOLPH AFB, Texas — Across America, patriotic hearts beat proudly for our men and women in uniform. And in the age of the internet, everyday citizens can get the warm-and-fuzzies every
GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba – After nearly 20 years in the custody of U.S. Forces, Taliban leader Ahmed Yusef Umar is looking forward to the next chapter in his life of
WASHINGTON — The White House search to identify a CIA whistleblower linked to the current Trump-Ukraine-Biden scandal has taken a surprising twist. Rapper Daniel Hernandez, aka Tekashi 6ix9ine, has admitted that
THE PENTAGON — Former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joe Dunford recently retired after 42 years of military service, but he won't be putting the Pentagon
FORT DRUM, N.Y. – The senior enlisted leader of the 10th Mountain Division’s 1st Brigade Combat Team has been relieved after soldiers raised disturbing concerns about his conduct in
WASHINGTON — The Association of the United States Army (AUSA) describes their annual meeting as the largest landpower exposition and professional development forum in North America. While tens of thousands of
NORTHERN SYRIA — Kurdish fighters of the Syrian Democratic Forces, or SDF, are still waiting anxiously for the U.S. to return after it left on Monday, saying it was “going
CAMP SHELBY, Miss. — In a bold act of incompetence, Army Capt. Justin Bergstrom was relieved for turning in his readiness report on a lethality form last Tuesday. “This is a
The following is a discussion between Army Spc. Travis Bales, an 11B infantryman with 3 combat deployments, who will present the point. The rebuttal is offered by Maj. Jack Rogers,
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