This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
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Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
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Navy
The service that floats around the world looking for Wi-Fi.
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Army disastrously tries to copy Navy's 'Fleet week'
NEW YORK — An Army attempt to copy the success of the Navy’s Fleet Week has resulted in seven casualties, $82 million in lost
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
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SemperFuxit: Marine Corps votes to exit Dept. Of the Navy
QUANTICO, Va. — In a move military analysts call “simply stunning,” the Marine Corps voted in a referendum Friday to leave the Department of the Navy, forming a separate
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy veteran fired after party boat detained in Canadian waters
PUTIN BAY, Ohio — A Navy veteran was abruptly relieved earlier this week, sources report, after his boat strayed into Canadian waters and his passengers and crew of one
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy to issue knee pads to sailors deploying to Persian Gulf
WASHINGTON — Navy Secretary Ray Mabus announced today that all Navy personnel deploying to the Persian Gulf will be issued knee pads, effective immediately. The new safety initiative follows
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy to build USS Thanks Obama for deployment to every disaster
WASHINGTON — The Navy announced today it would build and commission the USS Thanks Obama, a new frigate that will be used solely for rapid deployment to disasters around
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy planning to replace bad uniforms with even worse ones
ARLINGTON, Va. — Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus announced plans today to replace uniforms with even worse ones, debuting the Navy's switch to a forest camouflage
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
Sailor too thin to make chief
WASHINGTON — Petty Officer 1st Class Kate O’Toole’s naval career hopes were dashed when the chief selection list came out last month, and her name was not
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
Sailors who are not Navy SEALs finally get to shoot shit
YEMEN — A number of American Navy sailors currently stationed off the coast of Yemen, who are not SEAL operators, finally got to shoot at shit, sources confirmed Tuesday.
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy shocked that sailors didn't immediately embrace killing a 200-year-old tradition
THE PENTAGON — Following the Navy's unpopular decision last month to end the rating system that has identified sailors by their functional job, branch leadership is reportedly
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readNavy hands down leftover rates to Coast Guard
WASHINGTON, DC — After the Navy abandoned its 200-year-old rating system in favor of no longer referring to sailors by their job titles, the service says the
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readMarine on Chicago recruiting duty seeks Navy cross
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — A US Marine staff sergeant currently assigned to Recruiting substation DuPage South in the Chicago suburb of Naperville has put in to be awarded the Navy
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readMabus plans to rename Navy cross to 'Navy plus' medal
WASHINGTON — Navy Secretary Ray Mabus plans to rename the Navy Cross to the Navy Plus award, Duffel Blog has learned. The change for the nation's second
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy Commander relieved for failing to relieve enough commanders
WASHINGTON — Chief of Naval Personnel Vice Adm. Robert Burke has been relieved of his duties due to complete lack of confidence in his ability to hastily lead and
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readHot dog-eating contest replaces Army/Navy football game
BALTIMORE, MD — The historic tradition of inter-service rivalry between the Army Black Knights and the Navy Midshipman has been canceled by officials, who decided to change the
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readPimpatronic 5000 appointed as Navy Vice Admiral of vice
WASHINGTON — Sir Orgasmotron Electrokisses IV has been appointed the Navy's 56th Vice Admiral of Vice, and was sworn in at a small ceremony today in the
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy SEAL leaks true meaning of Christmas in new tell-all carol
CORONADO, Calif. – A firsthand account of a top-secret operation revealing the true meaning of Christmas has been leaked in a bestselling tell-all carol written by a
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readGrief-stricken Navy mourns the departure of beloved secretary Ray Mabus
THE PENTAGON — In news that has every sailor and Marine in the Department of the Navy literally wailing with inconsolable grief, President Trump recently announced the nomination of
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
'We're making real progress,' say last 17 commanders in Afghanistan
BAGRAM AIRFIELD, Afghanistan — The past 17 commanders of international forces in Afghanistan, as well as other US leaders, say the coalition is making "real progress" towards
Oct 5, 2022 · 3 min read
Quiet guy at your unit scheduled to say annual weird sentence today
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — Even though that quiet guy at your unit hasn’t said a single word since January 2016, it’s that time of the year where
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readHigh-value target disappointed to be raided by Rangers instead of Navy SEALs
AFGHANISTAN — Taliban operative and avid Navy SEAL fan Mansour Aminullah says he was disappointed when a raid on his house was conducted by "some pansies from the
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
Navy unable to locate clitoral combat ship
NORFOLK — The U.S. Navy has been thus far unable to locate its newest clitoral combat ship, the USS Bean, which went missing sometime in the past week,
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readNavy considers giving up the ship
NORFOLK, Va. — In what would be a stunning break from over two centuries of Naval tradition, the U.S. Navy has revealed it is currently weighing the idea
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readSean spicer begs Navy reserve for multi-year deployment to anywhere remote
WASHINGTON — For at least the past three months, Navy Reserve Commander and current White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has been desperately begging his chain of command to
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readNavy to save money by abandoning man overboard rescues
NORFOLK, VA – In a move which the Navy claims will save valuable taxpayer dollars while helping to reallocate more than $7 billion in funding, ships underway will soon
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readNavy destroyer collides with building in downtown Houston
HOUSTON — As if the city of Houston hasn’t seen enough tragedy due to catastrophic flooding from Hurricane Harvey, things took a turn for the worse today after
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
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