THE PENTAGON -- Army leaders announced the introduction of a new physical fitness test that measures resilience and muscular endurance by testing how much pain a soldier can feel over
TED”S ROOT CELLAR — The System of Humans In The Anti-Illuminati Militia concluded an inspection of a remote SCIF in Florida designed to keep out the NSA, Bigfoot, JFK'
ARLINGTON, Va. — Whoa. We knew the military made mistakes from time to time, but we never thought it could gaff up quite like this. When coworkers found this lifeless corpse
CAPE CORAL, Fla. — Weeks after the Trump Boat Parade over Labor Day Weekend, the Fort Myers Beach Coast Guard Station is now at the center of a boater suppression claim
ARLINGTON, Va. — Preparing to transition into civilian life after 20 years in uniform, retiring Army Maj. Derek Fletcher was struggling to translate the skills he learned in the Army, like
FORT IRWIN — We knew shit was weird this year, but the truth is finally coming out! Those rascals down at the Fort Irwin National Training Center have had themselves quite
DAYTON, Ohio — Air Force veteran Blake Miller is reported to be in "stable condition" after his PTSD was triggered by a ringtone that reminded him of his active
LASHKARGA, Afghanistan — Representatives of the Taliban, Al-Qaeda, and ISIS gathered today in the capital of the Helmand Province of Afghanistan to celebrate breaking ground on the long-awaited Joint Terrorism Center
According to a recent interview with The Atlantic, former Secretary of Defense and Marine Corps General James Mattis wrote the first draft of his book, Call Sign Chaos: Learning to
WASHINGTON — The American people have been rocked by revelations that Galactus, god of oblivion, devourer of worlds, was detected today approaching our galaxy at a speed that can only be
BEALE AIR FORCE BASE, Calif. — Multiple sources report that Capt. William Best, an intelligence operations officer assigned to the 9th Intelligence Squadron, simply will not shut up about that one
NELLIS AFB, Nevada — The initial fielding of Air Force tactical robot dogs revealed a potentially critical glitch: The dogs are depressed by their unfulfillable need to lick their non-existent gonads.
WASHINGTON — Secretary of the Navy Kenneth Braithwaite announced the Navy would be shifting to a paperless administration system with mandatory paper copies, sources report. “We need to streamline the Navy,
The following is an article by Thuszoldydides, from the September 480 BCE issue of the Duffel Blog’s ancient Greek predecessor, The Satchel Wax. SPARTA – Lance Hoplite FlavorFlavius has been
SOUTHERN PINES, N.C. – You might think that in America, everyone loves the Troops! But that’s not the case, because this vending machine won’t take challenge coins as
WASHINGTON — Raytheon won an exclusive contract to send six retired guys out to stare at shit, sources report. The six guys will come out next week and will wander around
WASHINGTON — More than 200 E-4s and E-3s, including dozens of Army specialists and Marine Corps lance corporals, published a letter this week endorsing “whoever can get us the fuck out
You ever get hurt in the Army? You probably got told to ice it and take some Motrin. Was that the right answer? Duffel Blog asked expert medicos which injuries
’MURICA – The professional coalition of rough-and-ready patriots known as The Proud Boys arrived in formation at 0330 this morning, sources report, ready to execute follow-on presidential directives. “Alright, gents, POTUS
BETHESDA, Md. – Medics and corpsmen at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center responded with the poise and compassion characteristic of their profession when the president arrived at the military’
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — Officials in Afghanistan’s Independent Election Committee announced they are working closely with the United Nations to deploy teams of police and soldiers to the United States to
PENTAGON — As the Joint Chiefs of Staff (JCS) settle in for a two-week quarantine following Coast Guard Vice Commandant Charles W. Ray’s positive coronavirus test, Marine Corps Commandant General
NORFOLK, VA. — Morale onboard the USS Anzio (CG-68) skyrocketed today after the command's mandatory fun concert was canceled, sources report. “We were all going to have to gather
SEATTLE, Wash. — A startup consisting of retired members of the E4 Mafia has developed a new way to experience coffee: by exposing it to the alcoholic wastelands of veteran innards.
The Crab Nebula: SECTOR 15 “The days are getting longer. We have been in quarantine here for seven days. The rations are running low. We ran out of beer on
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