VA benefits reduced to 9mm and bottle of bourbon
Secretary says package ‘covers most needs’ and ‘cuts out a lot of paperwork’
4 min read
Gray Sea Liu
Page 1 of 2
Comic Sans named official font of Department of War
Pentagon says change will improve lethality, readability, and morale
4 min read
members
Chief’s ‘sea stories’ include at least 4 felonies
Junior sailors unsure whether to laugh, report to NCIS, or contact The Hague
4 min read
Hegseth says he supports contributions of ‘colored troops and broads’
Despite lacking a Ranger tab, defense secretary critiques women who earned theirs
3 min read
Study confirms best time to be in military was exactly 5 years before you joined
Every generation agrees: yours ruined everything.
2 min read
paid
True patriot: Hegseth maintains BAC of .1776 at all times
"Being perpetually blitzed isn’t medically advisable,” said a Navy doctor. “But behaviorally? It tracks.”
4 min read
paid
Noem visit to LA troops ends in gunfire, K-9 fatality
DHS Secretary insists dog was ‘out of regs and possibly liberal.’
2 min read
paid
Navy kicks off 'Incel to Intel' recruiting campaign
The service's novel approach is to recruit technologically adept virgins into the intelligence community.
4 min read
paid
US Navy commissions first openly-straight officer
“We are very proud of this milestone,” said Adm. Lisa Francetti.
3 min read
paid
Mustachioed Navy officer, obsessed with Japan and toe shoes, still single somehow
So weird.
3 min read
paid
'I'm not a perfect person' says Hegseth, who is not even a sort of ok person
“Is Pete a cheater? Sure, but who among us isn’t?” one senator asked in front of his bewildered wife and mother of his six children.
3 min read
paid
Local Marine recruiter fist fights Matt Gaetz over high school senior
"I have no idea why my former Congressman was here in a red convertible Mercedes."
3 min read
paid
DoD: Mass shootings negatively impact recruiting quotas
“Honestly, that is the biggest tragedy,” said Navy recruiter and Tiktok dance sensation Petty Officer 2nd Class Drea Avila soberly.
3 min read
paid
Spray tan and diet coke being tested for bullet proof qualities, Pentagon says
The former president may be onto something.
4 min read
paid
'We don't want you anyway!' Army launches reverse psychology recruiting campaign
“Most teens these days are too fat, stupid, and substance-addled to even be suitable for service,” said Staff Sergeant Simona Oppf.
3 min read
paid
Coffee company owner begins new career as Special Forces soldier
The transition from barista to elite soldier has not been without its hiccups.
4 min read
paid
Navy chief: Prosecuting adultery would adversely impact manning
Ramming speed! All ahead full!
3 min read
paid
Justin Timberlake gives your weekend safety brief
Guess who’s going to have to pick your nasty ass up from jail when you step out of line. It’s gonna be me.
2 min read
paid
Americans wondering if we can just get WW3 over with already
Stop talkin' and start doin'
2 min read
paid
Putin blames Ukraine for baltimore bridge collapse
Putin likely correct, but many Americans concerned that DEI attacked the bridge
2 min read
paid
Chief reprimanded for professional and appropriate relationship with junior sailor
MCPON: "This will not stand"
2 min read
paid
Marine ranks animals by how well he could take them in a fight
Bro. Seriously though, bro. Like, a snake is all neck if you think about it.
3 min read
paid
Does he love you or is he just trying to leave the barracks?
Maybe your hot sister could move in too?
2 min read
paid
Hallmark's military holiday movie to feature love story, crippling alcoholism
Generically attractive people to portray bland actions for basic audience
2 min read
paid
Woman worried if conflict continues, she will have to learn new country names
"I know there's Mexico, 'cause I drink Shootaritas down at Chuy's. There's others?"
2 min read
paid
