This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
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Top 10 things you can’t buy because you're not getting paid
Congress assures troops that poverty builds character.
Oct 13, 2025 · 4 min read
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529 stories in this section
National Guard mobilized to pick fruit
Governor hails “historic partnership” between citrus industry and underpaid weekend warriors
Aug 22, 2025 · 3 min read
Fort Hood promises to keep murdering soldiers, despite name change
Rebrand includes new signage, commemorative coins, and same culture of unanswered questions and haunted latrines.
Aug 6, 2025 · 2 min read
Pentagon renames Fort Huachuca to Fort Hawk Tua
The Fort’s marketing office is working with the Defense Logistics Agency to develop a new hawk mascot in Oakleys.
Jul 30, 2025 · 4 min read
Freshly-acquitted diddy gives your weekend safety brief
Gold diggers, Bieber, and malt liquor: Diddy’s safety brief hits different
Jul 18, 2025 · 3 min read
8 tattoos you can get under new Hegseth policy
Good news: Tattoos of Pete Hegseth depicted “in the Greek Style” are now allowed.
Jul 16, 2025 · 5 min read
US accidentally re-invades Iraq
Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray
Jun 25, 2025 · 3 min read
Army birthday parade sparks rediscovery of Von Steuben’s pimp-step parade doctrine
Lost doctrine finally answers the age-old question: What if marching was fabulous?
Jun 23, 2025 · 5 min read
Army secretary decries 'PowerPoint in parade form' for Trump's birthday
Senior leaders cite “mission creep,” cosplay mishaps, and energy drinks as key factors in birthday parade debacle.
Jun 18, 2025 · 3 min read
Fort irwin to be renamed fort Hitler
Army insists it’s “a completely different Hitler,” citing strong Union loyalty and bratwurst recipes.
Jun 11, 2025 · 2 min read
Basic bitch goes to basic training
Johnson single-handedly organized a supply run for pumpkin spice latte MREs (Meals, Ready-to-Eat).
Jun 9, 2025 · 3 min read
US 'far behind in capabilities' being sold by retired general
The retired officer says that America is woefully under-resourced in a defense technology capability that is only sold by his company.
Jun 2, 2025 · 3 min read
Army study: Soldiers have bigger dicks than sailors
The USS Ronald Reagan held the record for simultaneous penis inspections, with 473 sailors participating.
May 28, 2025 · 3 min read
Zyn-Monster-condom pack sells out in minutes at PX
“I was first in line,” said Pfc. Travis Thompson, who camped overnight for the release.
May 23, 2025 · 3 min read
This gorilla learned sign language, and immediately told everyone it went to West Point
"The very first thing he signed was, ‘Dookie, Sir, West Point, Sir!’”
May 12, 2025 · 3 min read
Duffel Blog presents: The 10 dumbest military phrases
"There’s no ‘I’ in team" but there are three 'U's in "shut the f--k up"
May 2, 2025 · 3 min read
Hegseth congratulates historic last ever female to complete best Ranger competition
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
Apr 28, 2025 · 4 min read
Soldier who doesn't care about politics ready to deter Russian-backed Chinese Iranians
“I just want to do my job, follow orders, and not think about all that foreign policy blah blah blah.”
Apr 18, 2025 · 2 min read
Pentagon removes 54th Massachusetts from Army records as 'DEI hires'
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
Apr 16, 2025 · 4 min read
Pentagon renames Fort Campbell after the soup
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
Apr 7, 2025 · 3 min read
Citing DEI, Pentagon ends special treatment of black mold in barracks
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
Apr 4, 2025 · 3 min read
Lieutenant won't shut the fuck up about IPAs
“He won’t stop,” said Sgt. Jake Mendoza, rolling his eyes.
Mar 24, 2025 · 2 min read
Pentagon offers black recruits exciting opportunities as cooks, truck drivers
"“All the DEI nonsense muddied the waters of where Black merit traditionally lies in the military," a spokesman said.
Mar 17, 2025 · 3 min read
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