NEW YORK CITY—The National Stolen Valor Association voted unanimously that in response to the COVID-19 pandemic, they would extend membership to individuals imitating doctors, nurses, EMTs and other healthcare
WASHINGTON — To limit the spread of COVID-19, the Navy has announced the temporary loosening of its notoriously strict grooming standards. “We’re still going to make everyone go to work
PENTAGON – Pentagon officials have expressed concern in recent days that the former commander of the USS Theodore Roosevelt may have infected other commanders with a desire to place the well-being
BEIJING – President Xi Jinping announced today that China is opening free web services to aid U.S. service members working at home due to novel Coronavirus restrictions. Xi said, “China
THE PENTAGON – An unnamed Marine died yesterday after a prolonged battle with unchecked hair growth, Pentagon officials announced today. The deceased had also been identified as being positively infected with
General David H. Berger, Commandant of the Marine Corps We stands at an inflection point in history. We need innovative thinking to deter 21st Century threats, namely ChinaChina is embarking
NAS FALLON, Nev. — Navy fighter pilot, Lt. Lance “Ox” Mandrake, graduated first in his classes at the Naval Academy, Flight School, and TOPGUN. But his records indicate that, despite his
OTTUMWA, Iowa — Local veterans’ rights advocate Dustin Boates was “pretty peeved” this morning to find changes to preferential parking at the strip mall on US Route 34. Spaces previously reserved
ATLANTA, Ga – The U.S. Centers for Disease Control announced today that Army medical researchers have uncovered an intriguing characteristic of COVID-19: not only is the virus “airborne,” it’s
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. — Wooooooweeee! The barracks is starting to look like that bitch Carole Baskin’s house. We got five live tigers up in this place, ya’all. And it’
Editor’s note: The following article originally appeared in the September 1918 Duffel Blog. The author die weeks later of the 1918 influenza pandemic. ALBANY, N.Y. — Army Sergeant James
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Mark Esper confirmed that the Pentagon stands to lose billions of man-hours in pointless bullshit as military facilities worldwide continue telework and lockdown due to COVID-19,
THE PENTAGON — Gen. Paul E. Funk II has heard the cries of a starving nation. What world could be content with only 40 Funk Fundamentals? Not this one. The new
FORT BELVOIR, Va. – A new transition assistance initiative unveiled this week will help retiring colonels decide which Civil War battle they should study to ease the sting of being passed
FORT STEWART, Ga. — Since his arrival to the unit, 2nd Lt. Joseph Lynn hasn't let a single day pass without an unsolicited announcement that his top branch assignment
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — The fattest service nine years running, the Navy is seeking a solution to the obesity epidemic sweeping our nation’s military. The service has made it clear,
FORT HOOD, Texas – In what friends and family are calling an existential crisis, Chief Warrant Officer 3 Chris Vance has been unsure where to disappear to since being ordered to
TUCSON, Ariz. – The U.S. Air Force announced this week that it had awarded a $400 million contract to the Raytheon Missiles & Defense technology company, which reportedly surprised company
PYONGYANG – Multiple intelligence sources announced Monday evening that Kim Jong Un, long time supreme leader of North Korea, is in critical condition while recovering from heart surgery. While sources vary
PYONGYANG — While definitive information regarding the health of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un is notably absent, the secretive nation reported its first obesity related death in more than 70 years
WASHINGTON — Numerous general officers who contributed to America's slow-motion failure in Afghanistan would like you to take their advice on how to defeat the coronavirus pandemic, sources confirmed
THE PENTAGRAM — In the wake of a recently released report showing a three percent increase in reported sexual assaults across the military last year, the Pentagon issued a statement vowing
ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Defense Tropes Quarterly announced the publication of yet another article claiming the aircraft carrier is vulnerable, obsolete, and prohibitively expensive. The piece is the latest in a long
WASHINGTON — In an unprecedented public revelation, Deep State leaders announced plans to honor essential COVID-19 crisis actors with chemtrail flyovers throughout the month of May. "It is the least
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