This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
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Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
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Air Force
Where every war story ends with ‘and then we went TDY.’
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Air Force orders Spencer Stone placed in secure bunker for rest of enlistment
WASHINGTON — The Air Force's top general has ordered Airman 1st Class Spencer Stone to be placed into a secure bunker for the
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
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U.S. Air Force sells A-10s to ISIS
RAMADI, IRAQ -- The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) received twelve A-10 Thunderbolt II aircraft this morning, as the U.S. Air Force divests itself of
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readF-35 for snow removal? Multirole fighter destroys Air Force academy with avalanche
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — An experimental Air Force effort to use the F-35 to prevent avalanches at Pike’s Peak has ended in disaster, after an avalanche severely
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readVulgar Marine sentenced to finish enlistment in Air Force
LACKLAND AFB, TX — A military judge has condemned a vulgar Marine to serve out the remainder of his enlistment in the United States Air Force in order to
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force begins lobbying for next trillion-dollar flying clusterfuck
WASHINGTON — The US Air Force has moved rapidly to parade drawings of its latest economy-swallowing clusterfuck before Congressional committees to secure production funding. The new images of
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readAir Force switches to gender-neutral 'unpersonned aerial vehicles'
CREECH AIR FORCE BASE, Nev. — The Pentagon has directed the Air Force to retire all of its sexist “Unmanned Aerial Vehicles” and replace them with new gender-neutral
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force reveals artist rendering of $5 trillion stealth money pit
WASHINGTON — Air Force officials have revealed the first artist renderings of the service's next-generation stealth money pit, which Congress has already earmarked roughly $5 trillion
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force orders new $546 billion 7th-generation bomber to consume remainder of DoD budget
THE PENTAGON — The Air Force quietly announced on Sunday that it had placed an order with Lockheed for a new $546 billion-dollar, 7th-generation bomber aircraft, tentatively
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force to allow average looking, uncool people to become fighter pilots
LANGLEY AIR FORCE BASE, Va. — Due to manning cuts and years of major airliners paying higher wages for sweet abs, the U.S. Air Force Air Combat Command
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
'We're making real progress,' say last 17 commanders in Afghanistan
BAGRAM AIRFIELD, Afghanistan — The past 17 commanders of international forces in Afghanistan, as well as other US leaders, say the coalition is making "real progress" towards
Oct 5, 2022 · 3 min readDesperate to retain officers, Air Force appoints Jerry Seinfeld head of personnel center
RANDOLPH AIR FORCE BASE, Texas – In a desperate bid to retain officers, the Air Force has commissioned comedian Jerry Seinfeld as a major general who will lead the
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readUS Air Force criticized after removing 64 soldiers from flight
JOINT BASE LEWIS-McCHORD, Wash. — The US Air Force is facing a whirlwind of criticism following reports on social media that up to 64 U.S. Army soldiers
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force says F-35 pilots may be too reliant on oxygen while flying
WASHINGTON — After weeks of testing and analysis, Lockheed engineers have been unable to determine the reason why some F-35 pilots have experienced hypoxia-like symptoms during flight,
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force officer survives seven years of brutal online SERE training
JOINT BASE SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Air Force Lt. Jack McLane returned to his squadron today following a harrowing seven-year experience attempting to accomplish online SERE Training, Pentagon
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force drone pilots test latest technology for intense chair-to-chair combat
CREECH AIR FORCE BASE, Nev. — Air Force pilots flying Unmanned Aircraft Systems (UAS) are enthusiastic about testing technologies that will help them engage enemy drones in brutal chair-
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readAir Force announces 100% promotion rate to major, except for you, asshole
RANDOLPH AFB — The U.S. Air Force announced last week that, in order to restore its readiness, 100% of captains would be promoted to major, except for you,
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readUS Air Force turns 70; looks forward to retirement in spring
THE PENTAGON — Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. David Goldfein revealed during the service's 70th birthday party today that the service was planning to retire sometime
Oct 5, 2022 · 3 min read12 Air Force analysts accuse F-35 of assault on Pentagon budget
PENTAGON — Amid a wave of sexual assault allegations emerging in both politics and the entertainment industry, 12 Air Force budget analysts have come forward and accused the F-
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readAir Force attaches parking boots to pilots to stop them from leaving service
LANGLEY AFB, Va. — When Air Force F-15 pilot Maj. Matt Rosol walked away from his aircraft after his last active duty flight, his leg dragged. Fearing a
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min readAir Force upset nobody wants to steal its valor
WASHINGTON — After years of embarrassment and wounded street cred, top Air Force generals hosted a summit this past weekend to address the greatest crisis currently facing their service:
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
'Eternal flaming wheelbarrow full of cash' picked as Global War on Terror memorial
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The National Park Service has announced the selection of a design called The Eternal Flaming Wheelbarrow Of Cash as a memorial to honor veterans who
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min read
BREAKING: You need to report for a 'random' urinalysis
YOUR BASE — Sources at the base headquarters office are reporting that you and everyone else in your unit are to report immediately to the base fitness center for
Oct 5, 2022 · 2 min readMinot Air Force base launches search for missing minuteman nuclear missile
MINOT AIR FORCE BASE, N.D. — Airmen stationed at a North Dakota base known for housing the land-based leg of the nuclear triad are frantically searching for
Oct 5, 2022 · 1 min read
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