Stephen Miller calls ICE on commissary baggers for asking him to tip
“He screamed that tipping was socialism and threw a can of creamed corn at the nearest enlisted kid.”
3 min read
Page 3 of 175
True patriot: Hegseth maintains BAC of .1776 at all times
"Being perpetually blitzed isn’t medically advisable,” said a Navy doctor. “But behaviorally? It tracks.”
4 min read
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Cash-strapped Pentagon downgrades to military service with ads
After each crossing at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, sentinels now scream “AFLAC!”
3 min read
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Top 10 things SECDEF is spending money on while you’re not getting paid
It's nice to know he's having the time of his life.
5 min read
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Soldiers react positively to flavored vape pits
Troops say fruity clouds beat the smell of burning tires.
2 min read
Trump announces CIA op in Venezuela will go off without a hitch next week
President promises ‘best, most secret invasion ever — everybody knows it’
3 min read
Secretary is a lady job, says newly-minted CEO of War
Hegseth expected to ring Pentagon bell at close of every operation.
3 min read
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Anonymous donor gives Pentagon 130 million cans of Skoal wintergreen to pay troops
Donation will “tide everyone over” until someone finds seven billion more cans
3 min read
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HGTV debuts 'gardening with the guard' series
Highlights new Army values of Loyalty, Duty, Selfless Service, and Landscaping
4 min read
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Hegseth pays troops with government travel card
Technically, the manual offers no guidance on paying an entire Army with a Visa.
3 min read
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Tracker S3A updates tracker that tracks tracker updates
Battalion leadership confident spreadsheet power will deter China.
3 min read
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Fortnite adds Tim Kennedy 'rucksack of grenades' skin
Players can unlock the skin by completing a side quest that involves lobbing at least 25 grenades at non-combatants.
3 min read
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Mass shooting at Army base cancelled over government shutdown
Terror plots deemed ‘nonessential’ until Congress passes continuing resolution.
4 min read
Top 10 things you can’t buy because you're not getting paid
Congress assures troops that poverty builds character.
4 min read
members
Handwritten ‘no girls aloud’ sign spotted outside Joint Chiefs’ treehouse
Sources confirm women still permitted in actual Pentagon, for now
3 min read
Hegseth sets record for largest military D&D campaign ever
Hundreds of generals trapped at Quantico after DTS crash forced to role-play their way out.
4 min read
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Naval Academy adds 'See Spot Run' to reading list
Officials say advanced students may graduate to Green Eggs and Ham
3 min read
General officer summit extended for K-Pop Demon Hunter singalong
Generals relieved it wasn’t a firing squad or Eyes Wide Shut reenactment
4 min read
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Leaked agenda outlines schedule for generals’ meeting at Quantico
Generals brace for height/weight checks, essay contests, and trial by combat
4 min read
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Master strategist Pete Hegseth to gather all US military leaders in same place at same time
Defense secretary insists meeting is secure because it’s on Google Calendar as “Private”
4 min read
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CIA destabilizes China by sending them Tylenol
Agency says it will weaponize Benadryl next
3 min read
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Warrant officer convention draws 5,000 hats, only three warrants
Thousands of hats check in for four days of PowerPoint and disappearing acts
3 min read
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Inside the race to design the douchiest department of war t-shirt
Pete Hegseth demands designs that are ‘super fucking lethal.’
3 min read
members
Captain barely keeping a lid on all the marxism onboard
USS Wasp leadership fears crew will collectivize chow line
2 min read
members
Pentagon to prioritize EUCOM, INDOPACOM, AFRICOM, CENTCOM, SOUTHCOM, NORTHCOM
DoD pledges undivided attention to all six commands at once using math, magic, and PowerPoint
4 min read
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