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Tuberville says his stance is not only morally correct but is also a means of solving a military personnel crisis.
“These are not the buttholes that defeated the Nazis."
“Honestly, that is the biggest tragedy,” said Navy recruiter and Tiktok dance sensation Petty Officer 2nd Class Drea Avila soberly.
“The Founding Fathers didn’t have Twitter, but if they did, they’d be tweeting exactly what I’m thinking."
When asked for comment, a spokesperson from the Marine Corps simply stated, “Yut.”
As recruit H. Potter was called forward, he was heard muttering, “Not Marines, not Marines."
One vet described the onslaught as “comedic IEDs.”
"Five minutes late? Start checking the dumpsters.”
Genius.
"No one gets to launch tactical nukes at Philadelphia until they’re 100% complete on annual training.”
“Do we really want Pfc. Joe Garlic and his 2.5-yard apes tearing the place up?
“This Airman was like, 'Did you try using Firefox?' And I'm like, brother, I AM Firefox."
“People may have been evacuated by soldiers, but they don’t have to eat like them."
"We all hear horror stories about Jody and Dear John letters, but I saw this on a campaign ad. I mean, what the fuck?”
"Yeah, I’m a little annoyed that, once again, everyone points to the Jews. Running the New World Order is a team effort."
"Hey, hero, stand up and get to the back of the hall! God dang!"
“That loser Crunch has faked being a captain for decades,” said Sanders.
"This is a huge step forward for inclusivity in the Corps," said Lt. Col. Nathan Fluffmaster.
The operational support branch is responsible for self-righteous, performative displays of arbitrary moral superiority across all domains of warfare.
"Who better to sponsor this historic debate than these two powerhouses of enlisted life?”
Smooth move.
We’ll ask the hard-hitting questions.
The barracks room debate is over, thanks to the National Guard.
Walz has seen the horrors of routine training events in partner countries.
The former president may be onto something.
You’re in
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